Remembering to be Happy

Now that the gloom appears to have drifted off, I now have that clarity that I always forget will follow a period of glumps.
I have as much or little control over my own life as a I need and although changes may be uncomfortable (a bit breaking in a new pair of boots), I'm actually finding out new things about myself as a result of having to face up to the maxim of "do what you always do, get what you always get".

I've learnt, well learning, how to have appropriate panicks/reactions to things as opposed to the "one-size fits all" type reaction I usually wheel out - which can vary from "the world is ending" to "oh well hey ho" with there not being much inbetween. I feel like I have the emotional range of a sugar thermometer - it's either nothing interesting happening or else it's a reaction worthy of "stand clear to prevent scalding" I'll be the first to admit that I do get concerned at the intensity/apathy conundrum and occasionally wish that I could just get a little bit pissed off or a little bit unconcerned as opposed to lurching between extremes. I'd also quite like to know which reaction it's going to be - I sometimes do get a bit fed up of my body springing surprises on me.

I have a real struggle with self-worth, any slight dent to my confidence (bad day at work, taking forever to park, being too timid to move out into another lane when driving and then getting stuck behind some slow, wide, swervey vehicle) and it doesn't take much for me to start the uselessness rosary. Ie that because I'm me, I'm useless. It took a mental kick to make me realise that short of causing a 20 mile tailback by refusing to overtake a Smart Care I'm actually not important enough in the grand scheme of things to matter greatly so therefore if I fail to attach a file in an email, leave the wrong date on a header or even totally forget to do a report or take 3 mins rather than 30 seconds to pass a slow-beast IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ANYONE. And I need to get over it.

See, post slump clarity - it's more mind boggling than being a sad-sack.