How Not To Be Dead

In a random browsing session trying to increase the morbidity stakes, I stumbled across the fantastic site that is Deathslang.

The whole euphemism thing is a major flame thing for me, wrapping up an unpalatable subject in sugar coating doesn't make it any more acceptable. There may be a degree of quaintness about referring to a pregnant woman as "being in a delicate condition" or "being in the family way" but it is the greeting-card sentiment that accompanies descriptions of death and dying that tend to make me flip.

If you want to see what I mean, meander over to the Carlton Cards website and see if you can easily find a bereavement card. Oh, no you need to access the "occasions" section - since when has dying been an occasion. The same is true in the shops, although you won't even find a "bereavement" section, it's "With Sympathy" - just as businessspeak is all wank with the deliberate use of obtuse phrases designed to ensure that the actual meaning of the phrase can mean whatever it is you want it to as opposed to having a definitive meaning; the card industry language is designed to ensure that whatever you do, you don't actually say anything in plainspeak. Sending a "With Sympathy" card is actually saying "Sorry He's Dead" - why apologise, you've not personally killed someone?

So this is the reason that deathslang is so cool - as the phrases used are actually worse than saying "x has died" or else they are bitingly witty and are the antidote to the standard euphemistic comfort zone.

Personal favourties are the internet-inspired terms for death:

"Transferred to WWW.HasBecome.Com/post"

"Clicked the bucket"
""

Although a few cooking related ones are neat:

"Cooking for the Kennedy's"
"Donating the Liver Pate"

I'd like to see Clinton's stock these......