The things you see at Festivals

Beside bands of course!

Spent an enjoyable Sunday at V2005 (Hylands) and thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing. 10/10 for organisation what with shuttle buses, extra trains, no restriction on bring in your own food & drink and, much to the delight of OH, the provision of walk-up urinals on the way out. The only mishap was someone knocking their beer over and me acting as an unwitting dam. For the people sitting near me - no, I hadn't wet myself with excitement.

As there was a bit of turnarouns time between acts, it gave em the opportunity for a bit of observation about "things you see at festivals"

There was the obligatory inflatable doll and inflatable sheep being hoisted aloft. Once the bearers of the said inflatables realised that this was making them the target for objects being hurled at them, the doll was passed around at a speed not seen outside a 100m relay race.

And tattoos. I quite like the odd tat and there was a fine array of bodywork on display with plenty of tribal designs, snakes, wolves and the like. And then there was "Cnut"boy.

Obviously his tattoist did spell it correctly but what on earth (other than copious amounts of alcohol) would make someone think that this particular four letter word would make an attractive tattoo when depicted in 3 inch high letters on his back. Making him a big cnut indeed.

I can just imagine it in the local inkworks "do whatever springs to mind mate, I'm hard enough" - tattoist rubs hands in glee remembering all the times the mouthy item had annoyed him and inked up with delight. And what about if it came to identiyfing the body in dodgy circumstances "distinguishing marks? ah yes, just the one" Poor love, maybe no-ones ever told him and he thinks he's just got "John" on his back.

Maybe it was cheaper than having "brainless moron" done.

And then there is the "paid all the money for the gig, got pissed and sleep" contingent. There was one rapidly turning red lobster-type sprawled out in front of me, he looked to have enjoyed all the possible enjoyments that a festival offers and had managed to roll on his rizla papers which were sticking to his sweating body like bits of tissue paper on a bad shaver. He was somnolent through most of the acts, with his partner toeing him in the ribs every 2o mins or so to check he was still breathing. He was.

And of course there were the saddoes trying to chat up girls waaay outside their level. Sorry sunshine, offering someone your last smoke doesn't mean she wants to have your babies.

Speaking of the ladies, there is a new pastime "Shark Fin Rodeo". Let me explain, girls are hoisted on to blokes shoulders, the trend for low rise jeans means that thong triangles (shark fins) are now visible signalling time for surrounding friends to tug and pull said item until one gives in. Just what you want on a hot sweaty day - someone's bumfloss.

And the bands? I Am Kloot were definitely a surprise show stealer, Joss Stone was on top notch in terms of powerful voices, Athlete & Embrace worked the crowd and raised the feeling of oneness with plenty of crowd involvement and Franz Ferdinand were a slick performance then Scissor Sisters came on and it was a real spectacular. Wow. The only dilemma you have at any multistage gigs is whether you stick with one stage and get a good view or wander around and catch the odd half hours of lots of things. That will be probably be the strategy for next year.

So what with good music, fragrant atmosphere, plenty to look at (did I mention the "people who should wear more clothes" as another category) and the excellent planning for the home journey meant my first "V" won't be the last.