I just want to Sleep!

Not exactly ambigious about why I'm updating this - flaming hell why can't I sleep properly.

I thought I'd cracked this by not getting stressed at work, drinking less coffee and getting home at a decent time - well I might as well just mainline expresso, act like a demented rhino and stay until they turn the lights off. I can just pull things to worry about out of the ether and wham - bye-bye sleep. Reorgs, worries about ability to cope, worries about perception of being a talentless no-hoper who just got lucky, worries about being seen as some sort of deadwood, oh the insecurities know no bounds.

The worse thing is, I can manage to put all this into perspective for about two hours at a time (unfortunately not the hours that might mean I get to sleep OK) and then, slump, ooze away confidence, wallow in self pity commences. I don't really think that my opening gambit to a potential new manager should be "well, I'm feeling a bit weird today, can't work out why oh, and I'm useless". I do realise that thoughts that are floating around at 1.30am aren't usually the most rational and I'm trying to check all this in perspective.

But when you find yourself hating yourself more and more each day for being yourself, where do you go?

Still - there's an upside, I can catch up on podcasts I haven't been able to listen to previously, sort out the more naff bits of the blog and order OH birthday present. Oh the joys of being awake for extra hours - just how would I fit all this in otherwise . Wallowing in self pity takes a lot of time you know! Currently on the pc is Luke Temple's "Hold A Match to a Gasoline World" - heard the tracks via an another blog, and liked it enough to buy the album. Who says that the internet is killing music sales!

Oh well here's another neat picture of stuff from the garden